When I decided the last month to begin hosting a discussion group at my home on ‘Voluntary Simplicity’, I really didn’t know what I was in for. I naturally tend to lead a pretty simple life. So, I thought that it would be a fun way to spend some quality time with my friends, learn about them on a deeper level, and, as a bonus, I would probably pick up a couple of interesting ideas.
It has turned out to be a far richer experience than I had imagined. The major premise of the material challenges us to live deliberately, thoughtfully, creatively and deeply. This is much more than I had thought of when I first took this on. So, I’ve been pondering the concepts a lot as they relate to all parts of my life. What does it really mean to live deliberately, thoughtfully, creatively and deeply?
It calls into question what really matters for each one of us. That is a challenging thing to determine, and it is a risk to step up and declare, “This is what I want!” I was reminded about how difficult this can be in an e-mail from a friend of mine. We have been talking about some potential life changes he has worked towards and this is part of what he said to me, “I think that’s why it is so hard. It means thinking through what I really want my life to look like, and I tend to avoid that because I don’t want to become discouraged or disappointed. No plans = no disappointment. It’s a simple formula I’ve used most of my life. I wish I could have given you a glowing report, but holding back isn’t the nature of our relationship. So there you are.”
I love his honesty in speaking to what most of us have felt at one time or another. We’ve all been hurt and disappointed when we’ve stuck our necks out… and we’ve all been rewarded when we’ve risked and gotten what we set our sights on. So, why is it often easier to remember the times we failed than the times we’ve succeeded?
I believe a lot of it has to do with the degree of focus we place on the result. When the goal becomes the only important thing, then not to meet it overrides the entire experience. And on the flip side, when the goal is our sole focus, the accomplishment of the goal is but a fleeting moment of enjoyment before we are onto the next thing.
What if, instead, we decide to truly experience each step along the way so that every part of the experience is noteworthy?
Last weekend I got to see, very vividly, how these different types of focus play out in life. I was on a pretty steep hike with a friend and started having some difficulty with an old hip injury. Because of that, I opted not to hike the last two miles up to the lookout and chose to turn around at the top of the ridge we were on. He agreed to the change. About 2 hours later, as we were on our way down, he commented, “You must be really disappointed about not getting up to the top.” Truth is, I really wasn’t and I told him so. We’d had about 7 hours of hiking in a beautiful old growth forest. The weather was perfect. We’d gotten up into the snow. The conversation was interesting. We’d seen and discussed a variety of tracks and had been able to watch a number of birds soaring. The views were spectacular. It was, frankly, hard for me to imagine being disappointed about anything. I was surprised to find he had spent much of the last two hours “pouting” about turning around.
This led to an interesting conversation about how this injury has affected my life. When it first happened I was quite upset about it because I was unable to hike or run – both things I love to do. But, I learned over time to be patient, listen to my body, and enjoy what I could do. “Experts” told me I would never run again. In my heart I knew it was only a matter of time and patience. I am running again, albeit a little slower and a lot less distance than I used to. With that I have learned an appreciation for each step and that led to our very different experiences of the hike down the mountain.
I have encouraged him to look at attachment to outcome in goal-setting and to try on a different approach to see how it feels. I invite you to do the same. That’s not to say, “Don’t worry about achieving your goals.” I think that would lead to a different kind of disappointment. But, in setting and achieving goals there is value in enjoying the journey. When it makes sense, be willing to change course. I think you’ll be pleased with the experience and maybe, just maybe, it will become easier to stand up and say, “This is what I want!” knowing that whatever comes of it will be a worthy investment of your time and energy.
At the very least, you will have enjoyed your journey.
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